Sunday Thoughts on Living with Migraine: I Need Your Advice
Thoughts on Living with Migraine: Raise Awareness, Reduce Stigma

Sunday Thoughts on Living with Migraine: Choosing Civility & Kindness

Migraine-SignGood morning, and happy Sunday to my extended Migraine and Headache family.

Sorrowfully, this week's thoughts on living with Migraine aren't at all pleasant. In fact, they deal with a situation that made me not only extremely sad this past week, but physically ill. The various terrorism attacks around the world have  been really bothering me, as I'm sure they have all of you. The attack in Manchester last week had me crying every time I watched a news broadcast. For months now, another issue that I've found absolutely heartbreaking is the gratuitous public displays of people speaking so rudely and nastily to and about other people. People of power and authority — people who are role models — are employing name-calling and worse when speaking publicly. Instead of being leaders, they're sinking into the muck rather than speaking intelligently and in a manner befitting leaders. This horrible example is being emulated by others, either consciously or subconsciously. It's all been bad enough that I recently told my husband that if we were young newlyweds, I don't think I'd want to bring children into this world.

One way I've dealt with such sadness and grief has been to spend extra time with other Migraine and Headache patients, largely in closed Facebook group that's intended to be a safe place for all of us to share information and support without having to worry about spam and nastiness. I've also been spending some extra time on my own Facebook page, sharing links that I think will be of interest to my Facebook friends, both on Migraine and Headache, and on related issues such as health care.

Whether it's on my Facebook page or in the Migraine management group I own and manage, I don't expect people to always agree. It's not a black-and-white world. Besides, it would be horribly boring if everyone always agreed on everything. Disagreeing and discussing are just fine. That said, being rude and nasty are not fine — either on my Facebook page or in the Migraine Management group. People can disagree with each other and comment about that disagreement with civility and kindness. Whether one responds with civility and kindness or rudeness and nastiness is a choice people make when they write their comments and responses.

Last week, several people chose to respond with rudeness and nastiness both on my Facebook page and in the Migraine group. It was pretty quickly apparent in the Migraine group that part of the problem was members who commented about an article that was posted based on the title, without clicking through and reading the article. Even so, the rudeness and nastiness was an unnecessary choice.

In writing you to implore everyone to stop and think before they post comments and replies, and to choose civility and kindness over rudeness and nastiness. I'm convinced that the increase in this kind of posting is directly related to the increased rudeness and nastiness that we've observing publicly, especially in politics. Still, each of us has a choice in our behavior.

I said earlier that this had made me physically ill this week. It did, and that was enough to make me realize that I needed to do some serious stress management. One of the first things I learned in the college psychology classes I took is that only the person who owns a problem can solve it? I can't solve the problem of the way people talk to and about each other, but I can work toward solving how it impacts me. So, here's how I'm handling it. My Facebook page is just that — MY Facebook page. Any inappropriate comments posted there will be deleted, and the person who posted them will be blocked from my page. In our Migraine management Facebook group, rules have been posted about what is and is not appropriate behavior. Anyone who violates those rules will be removed from the group and banned from coming back. When it comes to the group, I owe that not only to myself, but also to the other members who count on it being a "safe" place.

Are any of you having problems with similar issues? If so, please feel free to comment and share your experiences and/or your suggestions for coping with them.

Live well,

 because a migraine is NOT "just a headache"
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